Scared

My hands keep shaking. I haven't been so nervous in a long time. I have a legitimate fear of what I might hear later on today. There's a very real possibility that I may lose my mother. I'm so scared and I'm trying my best to be strong about it.  In reality I feel like a child again. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do about it. I feel alone in this and I hate it. I keep having to excuse myself because I can't stop the flow of tears. I don't know if I'm ready to face what might come this afternoon. I'm just not ready.