Today I caught myself staring at the stars. I couldn't tell you the last time I'd actually lain out and just stared at them. You can laugh all you want but a huge part of me felt like a little girl again...for a moment. And for that moment every problem, worry, or doubt I have seemed to disappear. It was nice.
After that my mind flew in a million different directions. You know when you try to just concentrate on one thing and 12 other thoughts just pop in your head. Then when you think you got those 12 covered another 10 or 15 pop up. Well that's exactly what happened to me. To sum it up I had a very chick flick worthy moment lol. Not only was I having deep thoughts while looking at the stars, I was listening to a Fine Frenzy... Near To You to be exact. So yeah sit back and absorb that for a moment...(1)...(2)....(3)... now go ahead and laugh. It's alright [^_^]..That's exactly what I did when I realized that Lifetime might actually come steal my moment and put it in one of their movies. But all jokes aside, I had a lot to think about. Stuff that I had put a mental block on lately and just plain avoided.
I realized that that's something I've become really good at lately. I've been putting a lot of bullshit aside for the sake of others lately and quite honestly I'm slightly disappointed in myself. So here's what I've come up with so far. I've forgotten what real friendships look like. I am absolutely and without a doubt too nice. Which leads to me always getting taken advantage of. I've fallen in and out of love with a guy who 1: I had no business falling for in the first place. 2: Stopped seeing me as a friend a long time ago and more as a means for entertainment and 3: Probably could never have felt 1/3 of what I felt for him.. ever. But still, here I am. Actually I'm pretty sure I spent the majority of my time thinking about that last part lol. Pretty sad really.. I'm actually a little ashamed to admit that.
So after all that I decided to drag my happy behind inside, make a bowl of beef ramen, and spill all my new found knowledge. So here I am. And to think that I got all that just from starting a balls of gas thousands of light years away. It felt good to admit some of the less desirable thoughts I've suppressed. Does it necessarily mean I'm going to do anything to fix it this very moment? No. Does it mean I'll try at some point? Yes. And lastly Does it mean I'll put more effort to keep my eyes wide open in the future so that I may prevent any more such moments as these in my life? Hell Yes!
With that I bid you a goodnight. I've got a beast ass sunburn on my shoulders screaming for some aloe vera. Until later... Love<3
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