This is me

This is me. I am in no way close to what society considers to be beautiful. I don't have perfect skin or bone structure. My body is not lean nor toned. My hair is not long, thick, and beautiful. My body is marred by ugly scars. When someone walks past me, they don't think to give me a second glance. I am ordinary as I have always been and always will be. Should you look past the physicality, what you would see would not be considered acceptable. My manners are less than ladylike. I never continued to pursue my education.  I'm 24 years old and I refuse to drive. My mother still lives in the same house as I do. I have tattoos scattered all over my body. My past is a far cry from spotless. Yes it's true, I'm not what most people would consider acceptable.

What you fail to see is what is hidden beneath the exterior. The beauty that lies within me. It makes me who I am, and who I am proud to be. I may not be considered beautiful or sexy, but I am a good person. I'm less likely to turn heads, but I can always put a smile on someones face.  If you actually asked me why I never went on to college or why I refuse to get behind the wheel, you'd find out that my life wasn't always exactly as it should have been. You'd learn that at the age of 15 I had to learn how to support and take care of myself all while maintaining a B average in high school. You'd see I'm actually a very intelligent woman. You would learn that at 17 I almost ran my car off a cliff because some drunk guy jumped in front of my car.  haven't driven since. Instead of judging, you could ask me the reason behind my tattoos. You'd be shocked to hear that every one of them tells a story about some significant moment in my life. Instead of laughing at the fact that I live with my mother, you could simply ask me why. You'd learn that my mother is a very sick woman and the thought of losing her while I'm not around is my worst fear. Lastly instead of focusing on my past to judge me, remember that you don't know everything.  Because had you, you definitely would bow your head in shame for your judgment.

My entire point behind this post is that I'm tired. I'm tired of being told there is always something wrong with me. That I'm not skinny enough or that I'm not pretty enough. That I am not accomplished enough. That I am unacceptable. That I am not good enough.  Well let me ask you something, who is anyone to sit there and pass judgment on me? I have survived more hatred and pain in my life than anyone should ever have to.  I have been beaten down time and again only to get back up again and keep moving. I have worked extremely hard to always make sure that I had what I needed and wanted.  I put aside a lot of my dreams and aspirations because other people needed me more.  I've done all of this and always managed to keep a smile on my face and love in my heart. I'm not good enough? Really? I just have one thing to say, Take a good look at yourself before you judge me. I know I'm not perfect, but neither is anyone else.

-JNR