Life Goes On

Life moves on. It's a simple fact. And it will keep moving whether you choose to move with it or not. It does not wait for you just because YOU are not ready. It does not say "Okay I'll give you an extra 5 minutes" because you decided that it just wasn't the right time. It won't turn back the clock for you because you made a mistake or the wrong decision. It simply keeps moving. 

For a while now I've chosen not to move with life. I've just stood here. Stagnant in my sadness and resentment. All the while everyone else kept moving. Growing and living because that's what you do in life. But not me. Oh no I sit here and replay every moment, ever scene in my head. I've been living in the past. Why you ask? Because my future seems empty without my heart. It's seems extremely dim, almost dark. It leaves me feeling uncertain and alone. To be honest it scares me.

 Although I'm not so much stagnant as I am slow moving, I do not like to think about the future much these days. It doesn't bring the smile it once did. I no longer have that zeal for the life I have planned. Everything Seems mechanical now. Just something I have to do because that's what is required of me. It feels like everything has lost it's flavor, become bland if you will. Because nothing  compare to what once was.

 I know this all must sound extremely pessimistic right now, and you'd be right. The fact is I'm just a girl with a broken heart. Broken would be putting it mildly but we'll just leave it at that. But I digress. The point is that even though I've recently taken a bitter look at my future, I have in fact taken a look at it. In other words I have finally decided that I can no longer hold on to what is no longer there. I have to move on. And as I said earlier life does move on. You learn and you grow. And perhaps since I've finally decided to move with it I won't always be this way. Maybe one day I won't have to look back on my memories in order to smile, I'll just be able to do so because I can. But as for now this is who I am. The girl I've become. Even though she hides behind her false smiles and forced laughter, she is there. Moving slowly with life.